A One Ounce Companion
By Kenneth Hoffman
There are many reasons why some couples decide to remain childless. Perhaps they feel that their lives are full enough without the responsibility of children or there may be a medical reason that decides for them. In any case, the addition of a small pet can supply a much needed focus for distraction. A pet is a friend without blame, a comic source of entertainment, and a receptacle for motherly (and fatherly) instincts.
One such couple bought a young yellow latino parakeet. Other than changing the automatic roller paper once a day, little Bully Bachman was no trouble at all and provided endless hours of comic antics. Learning early on to mimic the speech of his owners, Bully bird seemed to enjoy greeting his mistress with “Fat wifey, FAT WIFEY!” in the morning. This male taught greeting was followed by whistling Happy Birthday to You and tapping his foot in time. A favorite pastime was watching Bully play soccer with a tightly rolled up ball of foil. Bully would stalk around the cage, eyeing the ball, suddenly side kicking it toward a paper cup. Misses would be followed by a frantic whirlwind of kicking activity, his bowed legs working maniacally. A successful dunk was followed by a mad flapping of wings accompanied by screaming on the top of his avian lungs and performing a squat bob winner’s dance. At night he would declare, â€œItâ€™s time to go to bed, good night, good nightâ€.